Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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