if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Vodka?
Forever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
