So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
