She's JV to your varsity
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want to fling myself into the sun
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