just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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