Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
