i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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