I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
