Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
