Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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