dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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