4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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