I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
