I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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