is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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