After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
