I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize