Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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