Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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