So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
