I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
