He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
