Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
