I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
