ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
