I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
