Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
