Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize