it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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