i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He has the fingertips of a God
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