so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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