I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
