it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
