last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
