No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
