I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
These tits shall not be calmed
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