it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
