just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
