Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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