I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
