can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
