ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize