bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
