Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
