Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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