last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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