I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
