is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
