that's an acceptable place to lick
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize