just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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