gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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