I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
