I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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