it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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