well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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