At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
