walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
