I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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