I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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