she woke up with a sticky ear
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to sanitize my soul.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
