Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
