Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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