i just wanna soil my oats bro
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
