Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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