The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
