Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
