Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
