I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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