i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
