No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
