She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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