Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
