CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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