what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
