as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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