if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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