I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
