I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
