God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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