If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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