well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
