hotel room ftw
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
