She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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