Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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