I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
