Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
