I wish I could teleport
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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