So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
