just come out here and I will go home with you...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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