It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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