shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
