So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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