On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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