You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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