She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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