i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
