Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
