Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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