Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
