sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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