I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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